Jane Powell, the author, not the actress!

Throw them back and scream, “I don’t want any effing lemons!” If life has handed you a whole bushel of lemons, you could make enough lemonade for a lifetime, assuming you had somewhere to store it, because lemonade uses a lot of water, a lot of sugar, and hardly any lemon juice. In fact, most things lemon, whether lemon curd, lemon meringue pie, lemon sorbet, lemon bars, or lemon drops, use hardly any lemon. (One exception is this recipe for Meyer Lemon Panna Cotta (http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2010/03/14/FD811C81OH.DTL), which uses an entire cup of Meyer lemon juice. And is really good to boot) Like lemons, the setbacks, bad breaks, and awful life experiences that this cliché refers to can be useful in small quantities- they build character, develop empathy, help you discover strength in the face of adversity. But a whole bushel of lemons just dissolves your mental health in acid.

I am a notorious curmudgeon, at least, that’s what my colleagues in Artistic License (www.artisticlicense.org) tell me. Whenever we are introducing ourselves at a meeting, after I say I am a writer and restoration consultant, someone will always add, “and notorious curmudgeon.” Pollyanna I am not. (Even as a child, I thought Pollyanna really needed to get a grip.) We curmudgeons prefer to think of it as realism. In case you haven’t noticed, we are living in a kleptocracy, and our democracy has been replaced by corporate fascism. Oh wait, that’s redundant. It’s what Sheldon Wolin calls Inverted Totalitarianism (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Inverted_totalitarianism). We have the illusion of freedom, because they still allow us to vote, and distract us with reality TV and iPads (and soon, the upcoming war with Iran).

And speaking of kleptocracy, that brings us to possibly my least favorite cliché of all time: “Life Isn’t Fair.” No, it’s not, but that in no way excuses one from doing everything one can to make it fair. And it could be a hell of a lot more fair than it is. Far too often this saying is directed at people who are demanding exactly that, by people who have benefited from things not being fair, the playing field not being level, the rules being tilted in their favor at the expense of others. 

Yes, bad things happen to everyone. But some people get way more of the bad things and way less of the good. And some people are positioned to lessen the impact of the bad things more than others- certainly rich people get cancer, but they generally have access to the best doctors and the latest treatments, which greatly increases their chance of surviving it compared to the poor person who has to go to the underfunded county hospital. That could be made more fair if we had single payer health care. But the kleptocracy has prevented that.

So don't ever say to me that "life isn't fair." I will hit you.

Every time GMAC tells me they have all the paperwork they need, I don't believe them, but I can never get them to cop to it. Instead, two or three days later I get a letter asking for something else. The latest they wanted was IRS Form 4506T- this allows them to order  copies of my tax returns. I did, of course, send them a tax return in the original packet, but clearly I must have cooked the numbers on that one, conspiring with my tax preparer to do so. (Well, she is my sister.) Anyway, I called them today to make sure they received the 4506T, and to ask if they needed anything else. "The application is complete," said the GMAC rep (still not the mysterious and elusive Nicole Nesby). "That's what you told me on January 4th, yet two days later I got a letter asking for the 4506T, as well as for the three separate months of Profit and Loss statements, which I had already sent," I replied. More checking. She comes back to the phone, says, "You're scheduled to start a temporary modification on February 2nd." "What?!!" I said, "No one has said anything to me about a temporary modification."  So it turns out that once again they sent a letter instead of calling, and it was mailed last Friday, thus it is not here, due to the MLK holiday.

Don't get excited- this is all part of the game. The idea behind HAMP (Home Affordable Mortgage Program) is that if you faithfully paid the temporary payment for three months, you would then get a permanent modification. Except it's not really permanent, it only lasts five years, and I'm not at all sure that anyone really knows what happens at the end of that time. That was the theory- here is the reality. You pay the reduced payment for three months, or six months, or a year, or however long the servicer wants to dick you around, and then, at the end of that time, they announce that you don't qualify for the permanent mod, and by the way, here's a bill for all of your previous arrears, plus the difference between the modified payment and the original payment, and that totals, oh, twenty thousand dollars or so, and it's all now due and payable in a lump sum. Oh, you can't pay it? Well, then we'll just have to start foreclosure proceedings, which is what we wanted to do all along, because seriously, the thousand dollars we get from Treasury for doing a modification doesn't even cover the coffee we have to give our employees to put up with all you deadbeat homeowners whining. The fees from foreclosure are at least twenty times that, maybe more. Everybody gets screwed in a foreclosure except us- the homeowner, the neighborhood, the city, the county (well, we were already screwing them out of billions with the Mortgage Electronic Registration System- we just have to go on pretending it's a big proprietary database that is very complex, in order to cover up the reality that it's just a giant Excel spreadsheet that no one is checking for accuracy).

Needless to say, the benefit is still on. Response has been awesome so far. I am trying to get a page up listing the auction items, but it may be a few days, since tomorrow I'm having a tooth extracted, and I'm thinking I won't be good for much after that. There are some who think I'm not good for much anyway, but those people are not my friends. My friends, in fact, are totally awesome.

.

Help noted author/community and preservation activist Jane Powell save her landmark home from the Bank!

Our friend, Jane Powell, needs your help. She’s behind the 8-ball--a chronic and expensive disease, a major fixer for a house, and underwater with a huge mortgage with out-of-reach monthly payments, that the bank refuses to modify. But if we all pitch in, we CAN make a difference!

Jane Powell is probably best known for her informative, witty, and passionate writing about restoration and renovation--the big picture philosophy behind preserving historic bungalows and buildings of merit in general, combined with nuts and bolts expertise.

Her best-known books include Bungalow Kitchens and Bungalow Bathrooms, in addition to countless articles for The Old House Journal, American Bungalow and other publications. Jane has given lectures around the country and actively participated in preservation efforts locally, including serving as President of Oakland Heritage Alliance.

All the while, Jane has been battling lymphoma, pitted against the well-documented problems of the expensive, difficult health care system. Her part-time job qualifies her for coverage by an HMO, but Jane can’t afford many of the additional out-of-pocket medical expenses. 

She acquired Sunset House in 2002. This one-of-a kind Arts & Crafts treasure from 1905 came with years of deferred maintenance. Jane succeeded in getting Mills Act protection for the house (and some property tax relief), but she’s obligated to make ongoing, expensive repairs.

Jane has been trying, with all of her writing and persuasive ability, to get a loan modification, even lobbying representatives of GMAC, the lender, in person in Washngton, D.C. But the bank just demands more paperwork, and stalls, as Jane falls behind in her payments....

Keep Jane Powell and Sunset House together! It’s tragic that so many people have been separated from their homes by heartless banks and lenders--let’s make a difference on this one! Here’s how you can help:

ATTEND: A fabulous event at the “Sunset House” Feb. 12, Sunday, 2-5 p.m. This house was featured on the 1996 Arts & Crafts House Tour sponsored by Oakland Heritage Alliance and the Berkeley Architectural Heritage Association, built by architect/contractor Jesse Matteson for his own family. Sunset House was the cover story of the Nov. 2006 American Bungalow magazine.

Hosted bar, good food. Silent auction with objets d’art, consults, autographed books, massages, and fine collectibles. Check out the Restoration Comedy section of Jane’s blog, JanePowell.org, for the latest auction items. Cash, checks, or credit cards accepted.

Live entertainment: Sharon Knight (Celtic-inspired music--to hear a sample of their music & for more info, go to: http://sharonknight.net/music-neofolk-romantique.html), and other performers.Surprise guests.

Singles $25/couples $40 (no one turned away.) Sunset House, 2708 Sunset Ave., is east of Fruitvale Ave., at Lynde and 27th.

MAKE A CALL OR WRITE: Jane has been involved in negotiations (fruitless so far) with her lender, GMAC Mortgage.  Tell the bank to modify her mortgage to reflect the true value of the house and reduce her huge, and unaffordable, monthly payments.

GMAC contact info: Nicole Nesby ("relationship manager")                             1-877-928-4622 (option 5, then ext. 236-8552)                                                                1- 866-709-4744 (fax)                             
P.O. Box 780                            
3451 Hammond Avenue                            
Waterloo, IA 50704-0780

GMAC's CEO: Michael A. Carpenter      
200 Renaissance Dr.     
Detroit, Mich. 48265

GMAC Public Relations--ALLY
Gina Proia, VP/Chief Communications Officer
(646) 781-2692

MAKE A CONTRIBUTION: Contributions to help Jane with her mortgage can be sent directly to her at 2708 Sunset Ave., Oakland, Ca. 94601. Or click on the DONATE button to your right.

TELL YOUR FRIENDS/ASK FOR ENDORSEMENTS/LEND YOUR NAME: Oakland Councilperson Nancy Nadel; Becky and Michael O’Malley, Berkeley Daily Planet Editor and Publisher, and Lesley Emmington, Save Strawberry Canyon, are early supporters of the ad hoc Friends of Jane Powell group. Sign on!

For more information, and to RSVP, Robert Brokl/Alfred Crofts, (510) 655-3841, broklcrofts@earthlink.net.

Press contact: Ralph Kanz, (510) 535-9868, rkanz@sonic.net

If I wasn't so busy worrying about other stuff, I would have seen it coming. No, not the other car (though probably that too)- no, the insurance company. Because, as we all know, insurance is nothing more than legalized extortion. Yesterday they towed my car off to the body shop, and I went and picked up the rental car. Today I thought I'd look at the claim online, maybe find out how long it would take to fix the car. Now I should have known damn well they weren't going to fix the car- the car is nine years old, and it's got 100,000 miles on it. Sure enough, the estimate to fix it is $4200, so they're declaring it a total loss. Now, they haven't actually offered me anything yet, but I can guarantee that what they offer will not be $4200. I am sure they will subtract the towing (no doubt they called the most expensive place in town), then go on to subtract the previously cracked windshield, the bald tires, and the fact that it hasn't been washed in six months. (I have a gravel driveway- makes washing fairly pointless.) If you Google "total vehicle loss", like I did, you'll find out they have a million ways to screw you, and to fight them will take more time and energy than most people have. For starters, the minute they make you an offer, no matter how bad, they only have to pay for the rental car for another three days. I believe that would qualify as coercion. But not in America, where the corporations run wild and free.

Now, there are those who will say it's just a car. I expect those are the same people who would say the bunga-mansion is "just a house." Well, to me it's not just a car. It's the only NEW car I have ever owned in my entire freaking life- the only one where I got to pick the color I wanted (and I was really clear about that if nothing else- I was having the aubergine one and no other). I generally don't care about cars, viewing them mostly as a useful tool. That was until I saw my first PT Cruiser- the only car that has ever made me go, "Ooh- I want that!"

So I can see my life for the next few days/weeks: back at work at the fabric store, spending my lunch (half) hour and my breaks on the phone arguing with the insurance company. Swell. I just want them to fix my fucking car. I just want GMAC to modify my fucking mortgage. I just want my life, and the lives of everyone else in the 99%, to STOP SUCKING!

Okay, I swore I was gonna avoid whining. Even though I'm really good at it. I was gonna save the "my life sucks- here's why- I am the 99%" for the Tumblr page devoted to that. But that was before.

Earlier today, I was driving on the freeway, on my way to pick up my friend Josh's appliance dolly. It's good to have a friend who owns an appliance dolly. Hell, if I could afford one, I'd probably get my own. Anyway, I needed it because the basement fridge died, and I was going to pick up a used fridge I'd found on Craigslist.

So I'm motoring along, and I'm about to take the ramp that leads from 580 to 80, when I discover (too late) that some guy in a Toyota Camry has come to a dead stop on the off-ramp. Needless to say, though I slammed on the brakes- I ran into him. Pretty hard, actually- I was surprised the airbag didn't deploy.  I'm fine- the guy in the Toyota is fine- and frankly, the Toyota doesn't look like it was damaged that much. But the Toyota's bumper has pretty much destroyed most of the front of my car.

I won't bore you with the gory details of having the CHP push me down the off ramp (my car would no longer start) or the two hour wait for the tow truck. But almost all I could think of while I waited was, "Shit, I can't afford this." I have car insurance- and it has a $500 deductible. I've been driving around with a cracked windshield for more than a year- I can't afford to replace it. My tires are all bald- I finally bought a used one to replace the one that got so bad you could see the steel in the steel-belted radial.

So there's a blog out there called WTF Is It Now (http://maruthecrankpot.blogspot.com/)- and that's pretty much how I feel most of the time. This is what it's like to be one minor disaster away from everything spinning completely out of control.

So I will put the $500 deductible on a credit card (and thank God I have a credit card again after bankruptcy). And thank God my sister sent me money to renew my AAA membership, which I had allowed to lapse, or God only knows what it would have cost to have the car towed.

More whining later. Linoleum now-Armstrong linoleum rugs 1919.